Loss and Gratitude

It’s been a tough week. The world is ravaged by an irrepressible virus; the world responded by clamping down on interpersonal contact. We were just about learning to live with the claustrophobia of home quarantine, wondering about the uncertainty over the length of this period of “social distancing”, hoping we’d emerge better people from this. Then the hammer blow - an already better person decided she had had enough of this world, giving it up in search of what I can only hope is a better one.

When I first met my to-be mother-in-law, I thought of my own mother and how much two women from opposite ends of the country could be that similar. When she did become my mother-in-law, the transition to ‘second mom’ did not even seem that unusual. She’s been Mom to me for nearly 15 years now, and as I’m learning over these last few days, I’m not the only one who felt that way. And that I suppose is what her legacy will be - being Mom/Ma/Maasi to more of us than most us deserved. 

She did have two of her own, girls she saw grow into strong independent women she was most proud of. Precious possessions she treasured right up until the end. Their pain at the loss of this colossus of a woman, their mother, is unimaginable and exacerbated by the fact that neither got to say goodbye in the way they would have wanted. They will feel the loss like nothing I can put in words.

The journey to get to her in time to see her go away for good was stressful and frustrating in equal measures. It stretched my belief in the future of humanity to its extreme. But now that I think about it, I’m glad I went through it. Getting to Mom to say the final goodbye needed the kind of effort that was at least a fraction of what she had put into each and every one of her bachchas.

So, instead of sulking and ranting about the insensitivity of people we’ve met, called, requested, begged, and tweeted to over these last couple of days just to find a way to get to her in time, or complain about the way things were in these days of lockdown, I want to take a moment to say Thank you. Thanks to those who showed genuine concern and tried their utmost to help, to those who couldn’t help but did try to steer us the right way, even to those who chose procedure over compassion when stonewalling our attempts to get a travel pass. I accept that the last bunch were only doing their jobs, and were fully justified in being scared of losing them. 

But mostly I want to thank Mom. You were a wonderful woman, you touched many lives and have left a global footprint like nothing a lot of eminents have achieved in their lifetime. I hope you knew that while you lived your full and eventful life, and I hope you took that knowledge and satisfaction with you as you left this world. I don’t want you to fret about the hole you’ve left in every life you touched. I certainly hope you won’t know how much pain your daughters will feel once your loss hits them. I just hope your courage and strength has somehow transcended this final station of life and found a permanent home in their hearts. That their memory of you in the years to come only cause them to smile, and help them feel the warmth of your hugs again-in the secure knowledge that you’re not too far away. 

Bye Mom, talk soon!